Cautiously Excited

Cautiously excited is an oxymoron for sure!  It is incredibly hard to be both, but I am.  I am human, what can I say?  I have kept myself pretty busy in my classroom all this week, trying desperately not to get my hopes up too high.  I am trying to prepare myself for disappointment as well.  I guess you could say, there is a whole "buffet" of emotions going on.  As long as I am busy with a task or project, my mind isn't going through all the "what ifs".
I dreamed about meeting the birthmom and her family Monday night. In the dream, we also got to see the little baby girl, but her face was blurred.  It was a pleasant dream.  One that made me stop and think when I woke up, was that for real, or did I just dream that?  In a weird way, I almost feel at peace in dealing with this.  Everyday I pray the "Prayer of Abandonment" which sits next to a framed picture of an adoption word collage I created a while back.  It is comforting to me.  The social worker told us that maybe by Friday they might have some news for us IF the birthmom  narrowed down her decision, but I'm really not looking to hear anything until next Monday or Tuesday at the earliest.  But we are doing o.k., we are just letting things happen or not happen because we know God has a plan for us.  This is the prayer that helps us get through each day :

"The Prayer Of Abandonment for Adoptive Parents"

Father, we abandon ourselves into your hands,
to send a child ... or not ... as you see fit.
You by whom the Word was made flesh,
send us a miracle, if this is what you desire.
Or lead us to her/him, if that be your will.
We do not ask for guarantees; no parent can.
Only light enough for the very next step.
We do not ask for a perfect child,
nor can we promise to be perfect parents.
Whatever you choose for us, whatever you desire
we abandon ourselves to your perfect will.
We are ready to offer our daily "yes,"
until that perfect will be revealed in us.
And until, at last perfected, we bear witness
to the work of redemption you began in Eden.
We love you, Lord, and offer ourselves to you,
wholly and without reservation.
We surrender ourselves, moment by moment,
knowing that this is only the first small step
Of a lifetime of surrender,
so that we may be made more perfect in love.
That we might imitate, on earth as in heaven,
the redemptive love
the adoptive love
the selfless love
with which you first loved us.