I believe...

I'm still here!

I am not MIA!  It's just that time of year again, back to school!  Last night was Open House/Meet the Teacher Night.  It went really well!  Lots of nice parents and cute kids!  They were adorable!  One little girl kept giving me hug after hug!  She certainly wasn't shy. I love it!  In the spirit of going back to school, I found this picture that kind of ties in with my 2 favorite things: school and babies/kids.

I think this would be a precious picture to have taken with our little one using some children's books.  I always loved listening to my parents read me Dr. Seuss books when I was little!  Aaahh, the classics! There were many others too, of course!  What were your favorite books as a child?  What do/did you read to your children? Leave me a comment or send me some email!  I'd love to hear from you!  For those friends who have troubles leaving comments, I've now added a feature where you can follow me by email. (it's on the right side, not too far down) This way, whenever I post something new, you'll receive that in your email.  You can reply back that way if you wish.

We are still waiting with hope and faith in God!

Keep Calm and Carry On

This is not the post I wanted to make tonight, but we learned this evening that the birthmom has made her decision and we were not chosen.  As I mentioned last night, I can not imagine how difficult this must have been for her.  While we are disappointed, we know God has answered our prayer.  We prayed that God would find the perfect match for this little one, and this was His will.  We accept that, and move on with continued faith.

Still no news...

Nothing to post, but I know many of our friends and family are on pins and needles waiting to hear if WE have heard anything.  We have not heard back from the agency.  I am guessing the birthmom is still trying to narrow down her decision.  As difficult as it is for us to wait, I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for her to choose 2-3 families or couples. 

I can honestly say, I feel a sense of peace in all of this.  I guess I have finally surrendered everything to God, knowing this is beyond my control.  I can not sit around or wear out the floors pacing, going nuts wondering if we will get the call.  We will, it's just a matter of when.  Getting ready for school and Open House next week is keeping me more than busy! Just as I cross off 5-6 things on my list, it grows by 10 more things again.  I am grateful for this time though.   I am cherishing the freedom we have right now.  We can go see a movie spur of the moment or take a bike ride together.  We can golf 9 holes, or simply sit back and soak up every last bit of summer as we watch the sunset.  This is what we've been doing lately.  The day will come, in His perfect timing. 

Thank you to all who continue to pray for us on this journey.  It means more than you know!  We feel extremely blessed by each and every one of you. 

Cautiously Excited

Cautiously excited is an oxymoron for sure!  It is incredibly hard to be both, but I am.  I am human, what can I say?  I have kept myself pretty busy in my classroom all this week, trying desperately not to get my hopes up too high.  I am trying to prepare myself for disappointment as well.  I guess you could say, there is a whole "buffet" of emotions going on.  As long as I am busy with a task or project, my mind isn't going through all the "what ifs".
I dreamed about meeting the birthmom and her family Monday night. In the dream, we also got to see the little baby girl, but her face was blurred.  It was a pleasant dream.  One that made me stop and think when I woke up, was that for real, or did I just dream that?  In a weird way, I almost feel at peace in dealing with this.  Everyday I pray the "Prayer of Abandonment" which sits next to a framed picture of an adoption word collage I created a while back.  It is comforting to me.  The social worker told us that maybe by Friday they might have some news for us IF the birthmom  narrowed down her decision, but I'm really not looking to hear anything until next Monday or Tuesday at the earliest.  But we are doing o.k., we are just letting things happen or not happen because we know God has a plan for us.  This is the prayer that helps us get through each day :

"The Prayer Of Abandonment for Adoptive Parents"

Father, we abandon ourselves into your hands,
to send a child ... or not ... as you see fit.
You by whom the Word was made flesh,
send us a miracle, if this is what you desire.
Or lead us to her/him, if that be your will.
We do not ask for guarantees; no parent can.
Only light enough for the very next step.
We do not ask for a perfect child,
nor can we promise to be perfect parents.
Whatever you choose for us, whatever you desire
we abandon ourselves to your perfect will.
We are ready to offer our daily "yes,"
until that perfect will be revealed in us.
And until, at last perfected, we bear witness
to the work of redemption you began in Eden.
We love you, Lord, and offer ourselves to you,
wholly and without reservation.
We surrender ourselves, moment by moment,
knowing that this is only the first small step
Of a lifetime of surrender,
so that we may be made more perfect in love.
That we might imitate, on earth as in heaven,
the redemptive love
the adoptive love
the selfless love
with which you first loved us.

Match Opportunity #3!

Scott called me at school, on my cell phone, to see if I had checked our home email lately. He can only see the first few lines of a message, and who it is from.  His work email blocks the rest of it. There was a message from our newest adoption agency.  I didn't have access to my computer in my room, but the one in the library works.  So, I walked ran down the hall to log in and see what the message was about.  One of the social workers was going to meet with the birthmom this afternoon to share profiles and she needed to know if we were interested.  I opened the attachment with all the birthmother info and it had many of the qualities we were looking for.  This was a special case though.  It is not a newborn, but a 13 month old little girl.  Her mother is a baby herself, at age 13.  They are both in foster care with an aunt and uncle.  The birthmother has been thinking of adoption since February/March.  The good thing is the aunt and uncle are supportive in her decision.  After calling Scott back and discussing this case a little more, and calling the agency back 2-3 more times with questions, we decided that we wanted the social worker to share our profile.  Now, this is still very early in the process and I am not getting my hopes up.  Many adoptive couples who have gone through this, have told us to be kind of guarded, when a match opportunity comes up like this.  The birthmother holds all the cards and can change her mind in a heartbeat.  What will most likely happen after browsing 8-10 profiles, the birthmom will narrow it down to 2 or 3.  If we make the final cut, we will meet with her and her aunt and uncle because of her age.  Then, a second meeting would take place with the little girl along with the birthmom and her family.  At that time, the agency would present the birthmother with the legal form for her to sign the permanent surrender.  She would then only have 72 hours in which she can revoke that decision.  Once 72 hours pass, then she can not change her mind.  SOOOOOOOo..... lots of things are running through my mind of course! (baby gates, crib and nursery decor) I'm excited, but in a cautious way.  I always thought we'd be getting a newborn, but a 13 month old is really awesome as I think about it! Wow!  The baby is healthy and got a good report at her last doctor visit ,recently in July.  She is on target in all areas, cognitively and physically.  That is a huge plus!  She is starting to walk a little.  There are other little tidbits of information we have too, but since this is all so new, I'd rather just wait and see what happens next.  The bottom line is, if this is God's plan, then it will all work out.  I'm not going to worry or waste time thinking, this child is the one, until more pieces of the puzzle start coming together.  I am just thrilled this is our 3rd potential match within just a couple weeks with this new agency!  That to me, is the amazing part!  For now though, we just pray the birthmom chooses the adoptive couple, who she feels would be best for her little girl.  If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.  Good thing I started setting up my classroom because this could potentially all happen before school starts!  Oh my gosh!  I'm just going to stay busy and try not to think about it. (too much!)

Back to the Grind

It's August!  That can only mean one thing... getting ready for back to school!  I have mixed feelings on this time of year.  I am excited to go back to my room and begin setting up, but I am also sad to see summer coming to an end.  I decided to log my hours this time and take pictures each day so people can see the progress and just how much time it REALLY takes to set up a classroom.  So, I have been super busy these couple days!  (Did I mention they do not turn on the air conditioning and it's sweltering hot? uuuggghhh!)  Aaahh yes, its' back to the grind!

Along the same topic... we had a 2nd match opportunity last Friday!  I know!  Two potential matches in one week with the new, second agency.  Totally unexpected!  Well, long story short, we had to pass on this one too.  In a nutshell, the birthmom wanted more of an open adoption.  She wanted 2 face to face visits per year.  Although, the grandmother wanted 4 visits per year. (I think NOT!)  Plus, PLUS, they wanted pictures taken with the 15 month old sibling with the new baby once a year.  We are just not comfortable with that.  I know many families who love their open adoption relationships and have had great success.  No disrespect to them, but we are a little guarded and would feel best with a semi open adoption.  We are willing to meet the birthmom before the baby is born in a neutral location, set up by one of our agencies.  We are willing really, really want to be at the hospital for the birth of the baby or immediately afterwards.  In addition, we are totally fine with sending photos & letters once a year or more, but through the agency, not directly.  God has sent us some pretty awesome signs lately, even though these two recent ones didn't work out.  I feel grateful for the opportunities.  Our faith is growing ever stronger as we take this journey.  Our prayers go out to those birthmoms and babies for the right couple to be matched with them.  Whoever our birthmom is, we are confident in God's perfect timing.  So, back to the grind (of waiting).  Waiting in hope, waiting with faith, we trust in Him.